58.2 & 58.3 [18 Jan 2003|01:30am] Kris stared out the window of the car Anthony had borrowed from his parents, her gaze fixed on the darkness outside, while her mind traveled at a thousand miles per hour through the highway of her thoughts. She had the uneasy feeling that there would a head-on collision occurring sometime in the near future. After her visit to William's apartment, Kris had decided to bury herself in schoolwork. Classes became her sanctuary for the remainder of the week. She'd avoided the set. She'd avoided Julianne's apartment. Worst of all, she'd avoided Julianne. Kris knew they'd had an agreement to go out dancing the night before, but she'd chickened out of the dare. The fact that she had wanted to go scared her. Kris had figured that if she avoided Julianne until the weekend, she'd be safe. The weekend would show her that Anthony was right for her. I hope… Kris turned her attention away from the window. "So, what are we doing tonight?" she asked, hoping to strike up a conversation. Talking would keep the silence at bay. Silence was dangerous. Silence led to thinking. And thinking led to guilt. How could I ignore Julianne like that? The thought nagged for her attention; filled her with uneasiness. "We could build a fire," Anthony suggested. "And watch a movie. I brought some." Kris nodded. "That sounds nice," she told him, searching her mind for another conversation starter. Why couldn't she ever think of anything to say around him? Conversation came so easily when she was with Julianne. UGH! "So, um, do you come up here often?" Anthony shook his head, his gaze on the road ahead. "No, my parents usually like their alone time to be … well, alone." He smiled, glancing at her quickly. "I think it's sweet that after all of those years of marriage they still manage to find romance." Kris nodded. "Yeah, that doesn't happen often," she said, recalling her parents' divorce. "I think true love is hard to come by," she added, not sure why she was saying that, especially to Anthony. "I don't know, sometimes you get lucky," Anthony replied. "We're almost there." Kris glanced out of the window, noting the change in scenery. She wished she could feel happier about being out in the woods, surrounded by undisturbed beauty. The car came to a stop in front of a small log cabin and Kris stared at it for a moment. Several horror movies came to mind. "I'm sure it's a lot less creepy in the day time," Anthony teased, as if reading her thoughts. "Come on, let's get our stuff inside. We've got a fun-filled night ahead of us." Yes, fun-filled, Kris thought, and stepped out of the car. ********* Julianne was trying desperately to pay attention to everything that Naomi said, but her mind kept drifting. Why hadn't Kris called? Had she scared Kris off? Were her feelings too obvious? "Julianne," Naomi said, breaking into her thoughts. "Hmm?" the actress glanced up, realizing for the first time that she'd been tapping her fork against the table. She ceased the movement at once and regarded the director with an apologetic smile. "Sorry." "Are you okay?" Naomi asked, her voice full of concern. Julianne glanced around the restaurant for a brief second before turning her attention on attentive green eyes. She cares about me … why can't I care about her? Why must things be so complicated? "I'm just having trouble concentrating, I'm sorry. It's been a long week." The director nodded her head, taking a drink from her glass of wine. "Want to talk about it?" "No, I just … I just want to stop thinking," Julianne answered, wishing it were that simple. Naomi motioned for the check, and sat back in the chair, staring thoughtfully at Julianne. "Do you want to go home?" she asked gently. Home. What was that? "I'm not sure I want to be alone," Julianne answered, not really caring how it sounded. She's going to get the wrong idea, a little voice warned. "You don't have to be," Naomi replied. 9 comments|post comment

58.4 - 58.5 [18 Jan 2003|04:09pm] Kris stared at the television, attempting to focus on the images flickering across the screen. But, she was too nervous to concentrate. She kept wondering what Anthony was thinking. She kept wondering what the night would bring. Would something happen? Would she let things happen? She still didn't know. Beside her on the couch, Anthony shifted. "Do you want a soda or anything?" he offered. "No, thanks," Kris answered, keeping her gaze on the television screen. If she appeared engrossed in the film, maybe he wouldn't try anything. He's your boyfriend, not a stranger. But he felt like a stranger. And wasn't she supposed to be there to get to know him better? Wasn't this supposed to be fun? "Anthony," she said, turning to him. "Can we talk?" "Sure," Anthony answered, shutting off the TV. He turned so he was facing her. "What's up?" Kris turned, too, taking a moment to decide what to say. "Do you feel awkward?" she asked, and quickly added, "Because I do." "I'm kind of nervous," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not really sure how to read you." "Read me?" Kris asked, confused. Was she a book? Anthony stared at her uneasily. "I don't want to cross the line or anything," he told her softly. "I don't want to be a jerk." "Oh," Kris responded, feeling torn. "I'm having trouble figuring out where the line is," she admitted. "Can we just … play it by ear?" "Yes, definitely," he said, and visibly relaxed. He took her hand and resumed the movie. Kris glanced down briefly at their entwined hands and took a deep breath, letting her gaze rest on the television screen. Her heart was hammering, her thoughts were racing, and she was sure that she'd left reason and logic back in the City. "Anthony," she whispered, a part of her hoping he wouldn't hear her. "Yeah?" "Let's go to bed," she said, looking at him. "I'm sorry I've been such a bad date," Julianne apologized, feeling embarrassed for her behavior all night. "I'm surprised you're still here." She didn't look at Naomi as she spoke, choosing to keep her gaze fastened to the sidewalk ahead. The fact of the matter was that she wished she could start the evening over again, beginning with not being late. As a result of her tardy appearance, they'd missed their movie. Naomi hadn't been mad, though. Julianne wondered if she ever got mad. The director was such a free spirit; so calm and carefree. It didn't seem possible that a person could be so tranquil. Naomi smiled at her. "I understand that you've got things on your mind," she answered with a slight shrug. "Just wish I could help." "You've helped," Julianne assured her, glancing into green eyes. She wasn't sure how she would've gotten through the evening alone. "I really appreciate your company. I'm just terrible at showing it." The director laughed easily. "It's okay, Julianne. I'm happy just to be near you." She rolled her eyes at the comment. "Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't say things like that." Julianne smiled, feeling flattered. "Why?" she wondered. Naomi glanced at her, embarrassed. "Because I know that I like you a lot more than I should, and I don't want to freak you out." "I'm not freaked," Julianne said. "Flattered, but not freaked." She glanced up to see her building not too far ahead. She could feel her heart pounding. "Good, I don't want to make you uncomfortable," the director said, her voice shy but honest. Why am I pining over someone I can't have? Naomi is perfect. Her thoughts battled back and forth, trying to find a solution to the problem. She wasn't sure there was a good solution besides getting over Kris, and how long would that take? How far was she willing to go to expedite the process? "Well, we're here," Naomi announced, glancing up at the building. Julianne stared at the door and then back at Naomi.I could just say good night. Right here. Just say good night. But she didn't want to say good night. She wanted to feel whole again. She wanted to stop aching. She wanted more than emptiness and silence. "Do you want to come up?" 36 comments|post comment

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