Chapter 63
Wednesday, 1:02am


Life felt more serious when cloaked in silence.

She watched the glowing numbers on the alarm clock, seemingly brighter in the darkness of the room. What she wanted was to close her eyes and surrender. She wanted to ignore the way time passed slowly, only when she remembered it was there.

But her mind was oblivious to her wishes. It was a mirror reflecting what she felt, but not controlling how she felt it. And her thoughts projected light onto the silver screen of unwanted consciousness: forcing her to think, forcing her to feel …demanding her attention.

Julianne stared at the paintings on the wall, now dark and grotesque in the presence of shadows: strange how beauty was so easily distorted by the absence of light. She was growing tired of darkness … of the pain.

Mistakenly, she had assumed that she could control it. She couldn't remember the moment when she'd felt herself falling, and let go. But she blamed it on the silence: the pauses, the comas, the breaths between words. All of those moments too intangible to mention had somehow convinced her that she could take on the night.

And now she realized why she had always opted for solitude. Until now, she hadn't had a clue what it meant.



Wednesday, 1:46am


Cons:
- Disowned by family
- No legal marriage (Vermont?)
- No kids (adoption, artificial insemination?)
- Sin?
- Hiding
- Shame
- Fear

Pros:


Kris stared at the computer monitor and sighed. Were there any pros to being gay? She couldn't think of any. "God, this is depressing," she muttered, closing down the Word document. Society sure didn't make it easy. How did Mark and William get up in the morning? Or Julianne for that matter.

Julianne…

She eyed the telephone by her bed. Was the actress asleep? Probably. It was nearly two in the morning. Then again, she wasn't altogether sure that Julianne ever slept. Still, if she called, the possibility stood that she would say things she didn't want to say.

Then again, if she didn't call, she would have to spend the rest of the night wondering if Julianne was still awake. Then at some point, the fantasies would start implanting themselves upon her subconscious, making her wonder dumb things like: is Julianne thinking of me? Or, worse yet: Is she dreaming of me? And the corniness of her meanderings would escalate until sense, logic, and reason would dissipate into oblivion, leaving Kris frustrated, annoyed, and more often than not, breathless and turned on.

She picked up the telephone and dialed.

"Franqui."

Kris smiled into the receiver. "Did I wake you?"

"Not really. I was just watching TV. Is something wrong?"

"Only if boredom qualifies as a problem," Kris replied. She wondered if Julianne minded these post-midnight phone calls. She also wondered if there was any way of getting a recording of Julianne's voice. It was addicting. "Anything good on?"

"Infomercials," Julianne answered. "Let's see … more infomercials … news … weather … something with weird alien creatures … a naked woman riding a horse …"

Kris laughed. "Perv."

"Hey, I didn't make the movie," Julianne answered.

"Would you ever do porn?" Kris wondered.

"Sure. Right after Summer's End, I'm getting a boob job."

"I think your boobs are fine," Kris replied.

"How sweet of you to notice. I didn't know you were looking."

She knew she was blushing now. "So, how did shooting that scene go? The one we practiced." Kris noticed that the noise in the background vanished, and she wondered if Julianne had turned off the TV. Or just muted it.

"Well," Julianne began, "it started out fine. But then once Samantha and I started kissing, Naomi flipped out. She started screaming at Samantha, telling her that she was the only one I was allowed to kiss. Then, Samantha punched her. They started wrestling, and tearing at each other's clothes-"

Kris rolled her eyes, but smiled. "Are these the kind of fantasies you entertain at night?"

"Well, sometimes they're wearing white shirts and crew people throw water at them."

Kris started laughing. "What is this? The naughty side of Julianne?"

"It's late."

"Ahuh."

"It is!"

"So what really happened?"

"I delivered my lines with astounding precision," Julianne answered. "And then I kissed Samantha like she's never been kissed before."

Kris decided that she didn't like Samantha anymore. Actually, she didn't know Samantha, but that only made it easier to dislike her. "Sounds good."

"So what did you do today?"

Well, I contemplated my blooming homosexuality for about four hours. And then I thought I'd call you, and confuse myself further. "Leigh and I had a pizza and movie night. Best friend bonding time and all that."

"Have fun?"

"Yeah, it was nice getting to spend time with her," Kris answered. "Though we really didn't talk much. Jeremy called about three times."

"How are they doing?"

"As a couple? Fine, I guess. Leigh seems happy, and that's good enough for me."

"Good."

"What time are we leaving Friday?"

"I'll be picking you up at 7:30."

"That early?"

"It's going to be a long day."

Kris couldn't wait.

"Um, Kris?"

"Yeah?

"Things are going to be kind of different in California. There will probably be a lot of cameras following us around. And I'll probably have to go back to being Julianne Franqui at times."

"Who are you now?" Kris wondered.

"Me."

Kris didn't know if she understood the difference. But she had a feeling that she would soon find out.




Thursday, 3:43pm


"Are you seriously in love with Julianne Franqui?"

Kris sighed at the question, regretting having answered the phone. "Mark, I'm kind of busy at the moment."

"What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"For what?"

"A trip."

"Kris…"

She sighed once again, this time in resignation. She took a seat at the edge of her bed, pushing the suitcase aside to make room. "I'm going to California with Julianne for the weekend."

"No fucking way!"

"She has to go to the premiere of her last movie," Kris explained, knowing there was little she could say to keep Mark's imagination from running rampant. Especially after the things she'd told him.

Mark gasped. "Oh my God, I get to be the uncle of Julianne Franqui's children. Pinch me."

"I'd do more than that if you were here," Kris told him. "Look, Mark. There's really nothing going on with Julianne. She's Julianne Franqui, and I'm … well, no one. And well, we're just friends."

"Have you kissed her?"

"Of course not! Hence the 'just friends' part."

"Is she really gay?"

Kris groaned. "Please don't ask me to answer that."

"Meaning yes." Mark shrieked. "This is so unbelievable. So, what's your plan of action?"

"My what?"

"How do you plan on winning her over?" Mark explained. "Are you going to fake a nightmare so that she crawls into your bed in the middle of the night? Or wait until she's in the shower and then sneak in accidentally?"

She frowned. "I really have to get back to packing."

"Wait," Mark insisted, his tone turning slightly serious. "I kind of have to tell you something."

"What's that?" Kris asked, feeling impatient.

Mark hesitated. "Please don't kill me. But when you left me alone with Julianne that night at the club, I may have accidentally let out the fact that you were … you know, questioning. And I don't know, but I don't think I did a very good job of hiding that you were questioning your feelings about her."

Kris froze. "What?"

"I'm sorry, I just found myself saying things. And I don't remember what I said exactly."

"Mark!" Kris yelled. "Please tell me you're kidding. What did you say to her?"

"I'm sorry, Kris. I really don't remember. I'd had a bit to drink. I might have not said anything at all."

"But you think you did?" Kris insisted.

"I think I remember saying something about you questioning your sexuality," he answered.

Kris' mind was spinning. Did Julianne know? She'd die of humiliation of that was true. "I have to go."

"Are you okay?"

"A little dazed."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. But I am going to kill you."

"That sounds fair. Have a good time in California. Don't forget to get me a souvenir."

"Mark," she warned.

"Love you! Bye." Mark hung up.

Kris clicked the phone off and tossed it on the bed. "This is really, really bad."

"What's really, really bad?"

Kris glanced at the doorway to find Leigh standing there. She hadn't realized she'd spoken out loud. "Uh, I forgot to tell one of my professors I'd be gone on Monday," she fibbed.

"Oh," Leigh replied with a shrug. "That doesn't sound so bad. I'm sure can just email them, right?"

Kris nodded. "Sure," she agreed.

Leigh stood there silently for a few seconds, looking around. She nodded at the suitcase. "All packed?"

Kris glanced at the object, feeling an odd mix of emotions at the memory of her impending trip. "Almost. Julianne wasn't very forthcoming with what kind of clothes to take."

"So take at least one of each type," Leigh suggested. She brightened. "She might take you to dinner at one of those really exclusive restaurants. You'll get to sit in the V.I.P. section and get people whispering and wondering who you are."

The thought of that made Kris ill. "Do you really think so?"

"'Who's that hot girl with Julianne Franqui', they'll whisper behind their silk napkins and gold-framed menus."

"I meant the part about going out to dinner." Kris stood, walking over to her closet. She started searching through the contents. "I have nothing to wear to something like that! I thought we'd stay in and order pizza or something."

Leigh arched a brow. "You do realize this is Julianne Franqui's house you're going to." She walked out into the living room and came back a moment later with a magazine. She pointed to the cover, where Julianne's picture was featured. "Famous movie star. Ring a bell?"

Kris glanced at the picture. It was often hard to connect the two people in her mind. Maybe that's what Julianne had meant about having to go back to being Julianne Franqui for a while. But where did that leave Kris? She suddenly wondered if it was a good idea to go to California at all.

Leigh started flipping through the magazine. "How well do you think you know Julianne, Kris?" she wondered absently.

"What do you mean?"

Leigh shrugged, not looking up from the pages. "It just seems to me that she's led you into some kind of fantasy bubble where only the two of you exist. And that's nice and all, but she's still her." She whistled, and turned the magazine over so that Kris could see it. "Do you think they'll photograph me like this?"

Kris ignored the photo. She'd already seen it, and had consequently spent fifteen minutes debating on a cold shower. It had also led her to wonder if other people looked at that picture and felt the same way, which had resulted in a series of mixed emotions she'd proceeded to ignore.

"Earth to Kris," Leigh called.

"I'm here."

"Ya sure?" Leigh questioned, closing the magazine. "So who's Julianne's mystery date to the premiere? The hideous creature from the MTV Movie Awards?"

Hideous creature? Kris made a mental note to ask Julianne about that later. "Uh, I have no idea, actually. She hasn't told me."

"What do you guys talk about, anyway?" Leigh wondered. "Jeremy asked me that the other night and I honestly didn't have an answer."

"Why did Jeremy ask you that?" Kris wondered.

Leigh shrugged. "Who knows? Little Nuyorican girl from the wrong side of the tracks hanging out with multi-million dollar celebrities. It's bound to spark some interest in the minds of the public."

"Since when am I from the wrong side of the tracks?"

"Just thought it sounded more dramatic," Leigh answered. "So, what do you and Miss Franqui talk about?"

Kris thought about it. "Everything. And nothing. We just talk …"

"I see," Leigh said, sounding very much like she didn't see at all.

"You talked to her too when she was just Julia," Kris said defensively.

"Not really. I mean, we talked, but we didn't have hour-long conversations like you two do. And now we just talk about the movie. Nothing mind-boggling."

Kris didn't know what to say to that.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Julianne said 7:30."

Leigh nodded. "Well, I'm going to take a shower. Jeremy's picking me up later. You sure you don't want to go? That cute guy is still interested."

Kris sighed. "No thanks."

"You sure there's nothing you want to talk about?" Leigh asked seriously. "I mean, I am still your best friend, right?"

"Always," Kris assured her, offering a smile. "I'm just a little stressed out. I'm fine."

Leigh smiled. "You're still a bad liar, but okay. You know where I live if you do want to talk about anything."

Kris smiled, and then watched the bedroom door close behind her friend. She stared at the suitcase. Leigh was right. It didn't make any sense that Julianne would invite her to her house just to sit around and eat pizza. But if a fancy dinner was what Julianne had in mind, Kris would have to sit that one out.

She stared at the suitcase and sighed. "God, please don't let this be the weekend from hell."